Taken for Granted – Is It the Biggest Problem of Relationships?

Do you often feel taken for granted in your relationship? You may be oversensitive but if you are finding yourself feeling your partner takes you for granted too many times, then clearly there is something wrong. And you are not alone – it is one of the most serious issues of a romantic relationship. 

What does ‘taken for granted’ mean in a relationship?

In a relationship, ‘taken for granted’ means showing no appreciation or undervaluing your partner. Sometimes, we get so involved in relationships that we forget our wants and needs at a time when we need to remember to self-love. At the beginning of a relationship, we usually tend to give our partner priority by doing everything to please our partner without even considering our needs. After some time, it becomes a routine and an unappreciated job. This then leads to your partner taking you for granted.

The issue arises when your partner is not making as much effort to please you as you do. Instead, they are expecting you to do everything to make them happy. It’s unfair and heartbreaking and often makes people wonder about the purpose of a romantic relationship. 

Then, another reason why the taken-for-granted phenomenon has become even more evident in recent years is the flow of temptations and electronic devices, particularly the negative impact smartphones have on romantic relationships. I mean, when your partner looks at the phone all the time or does not reply when watching TV. What about not answering your WhatsApp messages??? Or not listening to your opinions but paying lots of attention to other people around you. Yes, there are so many ways to take someone for granted, and some would most likely say that it’s the cancer of relationships.

What to do when someone takes you for granted?

If you are giving more than what you are receiving in a relationship, you start feeling taken for granted. And unfortunately, stopping it is not an easy task. Well, you can talk about it, but in most cases, there are other things you need to do to get the attention and affection you deserve. 

So, what next? You cannot change the actions or reactions of the people around you, but you should learn to stop being taken for granted. Here are 10 things you should do to not be taken for granted:

1. Speak your heart: Once you are clear about your feelings and situation, it is time to talk to your partner to improve the situation. Sometimes, it is just a plain and clear conversation that can help better the relationship. Explain to them your feelings; they may understand your situation and your needs.
2. Study your behavior: Are you giving too much even before they ask? Are you always ready to do everything for them? It is time to study your behavior and stop being too much caring. Sometimes, it is good to hold back a little so that they ask for your help or care.
3. Learn to say “No”: It does not mean that you should say no every time or at crucial times. But sometimes, it becomes important to make yourself a priority. Make sure not to put stress on yourself or go out of the way to say ‘yes’ to them.
4. Do not cancel your plans just to please your partner: If you already have plans, it is not good to cancel them, especially at the last moment. Though it should not mean that you must not cancel anything, even in times of emergency with your partner, prioritizing your feelings is also important.
5. Liberate yourself from fear of losing: One of the main reasons for being taken for granted is that we fear losing our partner. Taken for granted, meaning in a relationship is the lack of appreciation for your efforts. You must understand that if they love you, they will understand your feelings and needs as well. You must let go of the fear and communicate with them to improve your relationship.

6. It is good to have some ‘me’ time: Do you always seek your partner’s company whenever you are alone? You must learn to spend some time alone so that you don’t get afraid of the thought of losing them. Get time to watch a movie or go to your favorite musical concert alone. Knowing how to enjoy alone may seem to your partner as an attractive thing, and rightfully so. Do not be dependent on your partner all the time. Being self-sufficient can improve the way your partner (and other people as well) will perceive you.

7. Appreciate yourself: Of course, we all want to be appreciated by others when we make efforts for someone. However, it is good to appreciate yourself at times for your good deeds. If needed, expand your knowledge, learn more, make art, and do the small things that make you feel happy with yourself.
8. It is good to break your routine: Do you always prepare your favorite dish on holidays? Or do you always get him something while shopping? They may get used to this routine, so they even forget to say thanks for your efforts. Give yourself a break from your routine and make time for yourself so they get to know the importance of such doings.
9. Focus on yourself: No doubt, you should be a dedicated and loving partner, but that does not mean that your entire life should revolve around him. Focus on making your career and maintaining a social circle.
10. It is okay to ask your partner to do something for you: Do you hesitate to ask for any favor from your partner? There is nothing wrong with it, especially if you are putting so much effort into your relationship. Asking will help them realize that you also need to be cared for. But do not force it. No one wants to be forced to do something. After all, it should be fun.

The bottom line

In sum, a relationship is hard work and sometimes we are getting into a situation where we are being taken for granted. And, while it is great to love someone with all dedication and love, it is a complete and correct relationship only when you are getting the same in return. Otherwise, you need to put a limit on the efforts you are putting in and find a solution. 

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This article was written by Linda Bunnell, a dating & relationship expert and writer who loves helping people find love.